Monday, July 2, 2012

The Night Canvas


One of my favorite things I do, when I am back home,  is to spend time alone on the terrace. Our terrace overlooks a beautiful pool and some lovely coconut trees. Some of my most cherished memories while growing up was late-nights on the terrace. The full moons, the clouds afloat or the breeze, I love everything about this quality "me-time"...It's one of those spaces, where I can actually say what I think or feel. ..where I can completely be me.

Needless to say, this time around is also no exception. Just the other day, I was up on the terrace  reading my thoughts aloud. It was a beautiful night. Lovely breeze flowing...but the sky was overcast.  I sat there thinking, it is amazing how life changes. Last year, same time I had just finished my undergrads and I was worrying about my future. And here I am now, already done with my first semester in med school.  So far the journey has been quite spectacular with a few minor bends in the road.  Made some amazing friends. Whatever I thought, feared or expected...I  have to admit I was pleasantly surprised; but obviously,  it's just the beginning. And that's what is  scaring me. The coming few years would test me and my peers to our limits. The pressure will be enormous and not to mention about the financial nitty-gritties. Honestly, I am not scared of the hard work or the long hours that I have to put in. What worries me, is disappointing my parents.  They expect a lot out of me, especially dad. And that kind of puts an added pressure.  As I was  dwindling about my future, it suddenly struck me that  in a month and few days exact, it'll be 3 years since my break up. The happy coincidence is the date coincides with my birthday. (How Lovely right?).  My ex has moved on and moved on so many times since we broke up.. (I know! What was I thinking!)...while I am still single. I don't really mind being single.  Being single has it's perks, believe you me...but sometimes one misses the companionship. Just being with someone.  That's when I begin to wonder if I'd ever meet Mr. Right or if true love exists. What I believed was  true love or my Mr. Right, came and bit me in the arse. From where I see, right now, there are far too many frogs in the pond, and face it there's a reason why they are called 'frogs'.  And I refuse to kiss frogs, period. And may be that's the reason I'm still single.  A very familiar unsettling feeling was suddenly creeping in.
 All of a sudden a distant noise brought  me back to planet earth and I realized I wasn't the only one  in my sacred sanctuary! I had company. My brother and my pet rabbit had joined me, I don't know when. My rabbit was running around like a free-spirited, not-a-care-in-the-world crazy bunny (the cause of the noise)...while my brother sat there talking to , eh well apparently 'me' (Awkward!). I  tried to focus on what he was saying, trying to pick up on the 'key words'  but my focus kept drifting.  I was home, I was with my family, I was with my Best friend, then why was I feeling so lonely or perturbed?  What is wrong with me? And more importantly  why do I 'THINK' so much?

I looked up at the sky and I saw the night sky being completely covered with clouds.  Very quietly I remarked, 'what a beautiful night. It's such a shame that you can't see the stars'. My brother, caught off guard with my remark, looked at me then up at the sky and then said, 'What are you talking about? there...right there...so many stars twinkling bright. Can't you see them?'

I looked up and asked him 'where?'
He's said, "Everywhere. Just look harder."

I closed my eyes and stared at the dark canvas again. And yes, my brother was right. There were beautiful arrays of twinkling stars, shining bright. One could see their sparkle even through the dense clouds. I just needed to  look harder!

I started smiling. My brother looked perplexed fearing I might have an eye-sight disorder while my rabbit continued to run in circles, oblivious of what was happening!


The fact is Future is  just like the night sky.  Carbon copy, if I may! It's dark, it's mysterious.  But no matter how dark it is, one will always find some bright constellations illuminating the night sky.  The only real difference between the night sky and our lives,  is the constellations! There they are a product of E=MC (Square) and here in our lives, they are our family, some close friends, a bundle of opportunities, learning experiences and chances that life throws upon us.

No one's life or future can be completely dark in true sense. There's always something bright about that dark canvas. We just have to look harder or get a new perspective.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

True Lies


What I believe has little to do with the truth,
For truth is a forbidden fruit!
Truth is rare,
Truth doesn't care,
What lies in the minds of people.
Standing alone
Carved in stone..
Time preserves it, in it's cone
But it's prone,
To Tampering
And thus starts the hampering..
For men fear
And put up a veneer!
Said by none
But known by all
This is what looks like,
The ignorant men's call.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Life is a Gift


Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.


Before you complain about the taste of your food -

Think of someone who has nothing to eat.


Before you complain about your husband or wife -

Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Before you complain how people are hogging your space or time,
Think of someone, who's desperately searching for someone who would care.


Today before you complain about life -

Think of someone who went too early to heaven.


Before whining about the distance you drive

Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.


And when you are tired and complain about your job -

Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.


And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -

Put a smile on your face and think:

You're alive and still around.

P.S. Not my work..it's a compilation someone sent me (with some of my improvisation).. Anyhoo, I thought something this good needs a bigger platform. Thanks Anjudi. much love babe!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Shakespeare 101


It was a hot summer morning. A young man sat, fidgeting in his chair. Students continued to come in. The first lecture was about to begin in less than 15 minutes and Professor Ghosh doesn't take kindly to late-comers, so as to say gently. He checked his watch again. 9:15 am. Where is she? Did she miss her auto? Has anything happened to her? He kept checking his phone in case of any missed calls or text.

A distant hearing of his name, made him look up. “Atul! What the fuck man. Where are you lost? Band practice at 7 pm; don’t be late!" Atul nodded, slightly flushed. He was looking at Kuldeep, the main singer of their band and probably his man-Friday! From the corner of his eye, he saw her entering. As usual she looked pretty. She was wearing a pink salwar suit and for a moment Atul felt his heart missed a beat! She entered, looked at him, acknowledged his presence and took the first seat. Her usual place! Atul and her, had only one class together. So no way in the world would he oversleep on Tuesday mornings or think of bunking it? No amount of soccer practice or jam sessions could interfere with this resolution of his and giving up on soccer or guitar playing time, in his world, meant A LOT. Probably worse than getting a voluntary vasectomy!

He had met Priya in his second year, during a practice match. The 'ball had left the field' and hit Priya. Since she was a fresher, they feared if she reported, the college disciplirians would see this as ragging or an attempt to one, or worse some sort of sexual harassment given the reputation of their group and not to mention the college name in itself. To his surprise, Priya did nothing like that. On the contrary she kicked the ball back into the field and left. It was a Tuesday or as Atul liked calling it, 'To-her-day!'

Ever since that day, they would keep bumping into each other, accidentally. Well at least to Priya those were accidents! ;-) And the biggest coincidence ever, Atul started taking Shakespeare 101. Not only Priya, even the professors found it odd. Atul was an engineering major, to be specific, majoring in Architecture. And he had a good GPA, so he really did not need to take an extra credit. Most students with a GPA less than 5 are encouraged to take extra credits for them to fare better, annually. Atul was a 9 pointer and probably one of the better students in whole university. 'Mysteries of youth and romanticism of Shakespeare!', Prof. Ghosh's conclusion, after accepting him in his class.

After his first few classes with Atul, Prof. Ghosh was seen telling one of his peers that, " ahh..Atul, Roll No: 10020? Bright fellow. Sharp Mind. But fact remains he's horrible with words. He fails to grasp the sheer romanticism of Shakespearean characters. Whether it's the pain of Romeo or the dilemma of Othello, his 'logical' brain always over-rides his heart. May be someday if he falls in love, he'd find it easier to relate to the characters!" To which his colleague, Prof Matthews, had replied. “hopefully before the midterms or else that kid needs to work extra hard on the essays! " Little did, Prof Mathew know that everything was about to change before mid-term for Atul, perhaps forever!

The bell rang. Lecture's over huh? Atul wasn't sure of it. Honestly, he paid no attention to what Prof. Ghosh was teaching. The locus of his attention was of course but Priya. He could not describe his feelings for her. Was she a friend? Definitely a friend! Was she more than that? He had no answer!! Why did he feel extra protective of her and not in a platonic way? Why did he care if she was upset? Why did he feel a little monster in him, awake every time he saw her with a guy? They used to talk hours on gtalk. Initially the talks were strictly professional. Priya was good with the words. Always scored straight 'A's in the class tests. With the pretext of improving his grades he had approached her. Atul would 'create' doubts or 'make mistakes' so that he could talk to her. The chats soon took a casual turn and they started discussing everything under the sun. He never felt uncomfortable around her. No matter how embarrassing it was for him to answer, he'd always be honest with her. From the first time he watched porn to his ex- gf in junior College to whom, he lost his virginity, Priya knew everything. Surprisingly, she wouldn't judge him. And that's what fascinated him the most. Priya would always reply, "Men will be men" and that's it no matter how big or shameful the incident was.

"Atul! Atul! Atul Mehra, roll no 10020?" Prof. Ghosh called. Atul stood up, startled. He walked over to the teacher's desk. Prof. Ghosh handed him over his assignment. B+. Prof. Ghosh smiled and said, "Your interpretation of Desdemona’s character was excellent; a little more practice and you can get an A*." Atul was about to leave when Prof. Ghosh stopped him, winked and said, "Looks like the Grinch’s heart grew a few times larger!" And that's when the realization sunk in, he was in love. What he felt for Priya was Love! Something which he had never felt before, especially not for any of his exes!

All of a sudden, there was this surge of emotions within him. His first love! He wanted to know what Priya felt about him. Could there be something? Does she also like him? Or does she him as a friend? How do I find out? Should I ask her out? What if she says NO. Should I ask her best friend? Nope she's a RADIO BROADCASTER. Within minutes whole university would get to know!!!!

As Atul headed back to his seat, contemplating his 'next step', he saw Kuldeep talking to Priya. He immediately felt the friendly monster throwing raising his fist in anger, kind of like Homer Simpson, when he is denied of a donut! Keeping his cool, he approached them. Kuldeep immediately greeted him and said, "Guess what bro? Priya's going to be there today when we are jamming! What say, we give her the musical treat of the century?" Atul immediate response was 'Amen brother! UP five'.

Before Prof Ghosh left the auditorium, he announced that there would be a test on Romeo's character next Tuesday for 30 marks and this will be included in the internal assessment.

Atul felt as if it was taking forever for the clock to strike 7. He checked his watch again 6:15. Darn it! He was so nervous about the jamming today. Priya's going to be there. What if he messes up the chords?? Or worse forgets how to tune the guitar! What if he makes a total fool of himself in front of her? He was always full of self-appraise when it came to music. And now he felt like an idiot. Kuldeep would bring Priya to their rehearsal hall. He had volunteered to drop her off. He knew what his next step would be! He'll casually ask her out for the Bryan Adams Concert next week. So what if the concert is on Monday? He knew Priya is already prepared and he did not mind flunking a test for A GREATER CAUSE. "I'm sure Mr. Romeo would understand". And then when her favorite song, "Have you loved a woman" is sung by the maestro himself, he'd confess his feelings to her. Even if she rejects, he would have no regrets. He did his best. And rest is up to fate.

Soon his groupies gathered. There was Priya with Kuldeep. Everyone was pleasantly surprised to see Atul early. He's the one who has perfection-ed being late! And thus the jamming began. Priya was thrilled. Kuldeep was good but Atul was better and he knew it! Throughout the session, Atul never took his eyes off her. And for once he felt the lyrics as Kuldeep sang. Once they were done for the day, Priya came rushing towards him, and gave her a big hug, probably the tightest hug ever. She was happy and he was literally on CLOUD NUMBER NINE!

Soon it was time to drop Priya off. Instead of giving her a ride, Atul decided to walk with her, feigning his mean machine was showing temper tantrums! A last minute improvisation of the plan and Atul felt pretty smug about it. As they walked down the alley, he felt Priya's hands clasping around his arms and then Priya said, "Atul, can you keep a secret? I think I'm in love." Atul felt his heart in his throat. Priya continued, "I know it's silly. I thought it was a crush until today; when he kissed me!" Atul froze. There was a huge lump in his throat and the monster in his stomach had gone mad. He quickly muttered the word "Who?" Priya blushed and said "Kuldeep idiot! Do you think he likes me for real? Or am I just one of his flings? Oh God how can I be that stupid? I am just one of them girls right? Gawd! I LOVE HIM! Atul, help me na?" Her grip around his arms had tightened and her head now rested on his shoulders. She was vulnerable, he knew but he was a perfect gentleman! He continued walking and dropped her off at her house. Before he left, she hugged him and thanked him for being there. Atul just nodded and left. His life had changed in a day! To be precise in a matter of few hours!

He reached home, went to his room and played his guitar. Those who heard him play, agreed that it was his best composition ever. Following morning, Atul went to Kuldeep's house and asked him what the deal with Priya was! Convinced that it was real, he gave him the tickets of the concert and left.

No one saw Atul for a week after that. He had come to write Prof. Ghosh's paper and left. In the assembly the following day, professor Ghosh had announced that Atul had scored an A*. His was the best written interpretation he had read in his life!

Atul came back after a few days. He was back in his usual self. For the rest of his college life, he continued to be friends to the happy couple, never letting his feelings get better of him. In fact he was Kuldeep's Best Man in their wedding. Did he leave Shakespeare 101 after that? No! On the contrary he replaced Priya as the top student. Prof Ghosh and Mathews never understood the real reason of his improvement, each deriving their own conclusion.

You must be wondering what happened to Atul after college? He went on to become one of the world's critically claimed authors. An architect by degree, but a writer by profession! He never married. Not yet. In one of his recent press conferences, someone had asked him about the hardest challenge he had ever encountered His reply was "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else. Love itself is hard but loving unconditionally is probably the hardest."

Monday, September 26, 2011

Until We Meet Again.....


Forever can never be long enough for me...

Feel Like I have had long enough with you..." --Train.

A young girl hummed the tune while walking down the street. She had just come out of the crystal shop. A beautiful crystal heart nestled in her arms. She stared at the heart admiringly. The heart reflected the deep sea color of her eyes. As she saw her own reflection, a smile lightened up her lips. The heart had seemed to recognize and capture her innocence. Everything seems beautiful, when you’re in Love. Yes, she was in Love. She couldn’t stop smiling to herself reminiscing about last night.

As she walked down the road, her eyes caught the reflection of her guy on the heart. The guy was her best friend's brother. She was head over heels in love with him ever since she could remember. And she still couldn't believe he had asked her out for the school-dance. She recalled the moment when he had texted her, last night, and had asked her to be his date. She was overridden with joy! She turned to greet him. But he was busy on the phone, talking to his friends; something about how he pulled off the dare on an ‘innocent victim’ and how the prom queen has agreed to be his date for the dance. Bewildered she stood there, taking in the shock! Before she could make a move or confront the guy, he walked past her knocking the crystal heart out of her hands. The heart fell and broke into pieces. The guy did not even spare a glance! He continued walking, being the stud he was. The un-observants did not care about the sunny autumn sky being replaced by grey clouds. It had started pouring, all of a sudden!

The girl stood there, soaking in the rains. The raindrops running down her cheeks carefully hiding her own tears. She knelt down to pick up the pieces of the broken heart. The crystal pieces were making sharp cuts on her pale pink fingers. Drops of blood started oozing out. The girl, however, remained oblivious to the pain. All she focused on was getting the pieces together.

Vaguely, she realised a silhouette was approaching her. She wiped the tears off her eyes for a better focus. There stood a man towering her. Without saying anything...he knelt down beside her and started gathering the pieces. As she watched him, she realised that he was the kind of guy, her mother had warned her about. Rugged and brute, he depicted everything she had been warned about and yet he sat there helping her gather the pieces of her heart.

The man then got up and stretched his hand to help the girl up. He took her by the hand into the café, next door. Then for the first time she heard him speak. He asked if the girl was alright. The girl nodded. He went on to the counter ordered a hot cup of cappuccino and came back with the coffee and a glue stick. He handed over the coffee to her and sat opposite her, sticking the pieces of the heart together. They sat there in utter silence. He didn’t ask her why? What? When? She didn’t feel the need to explain him anything. After the girl finished the coffee, the man got up, handed her the heart and left. As he reached the door he turned and said, ‘Until we meet again’ and closed the door behind him.

The girl sat there letting the warm feeling embrace her. She looked at the heart…it was back in one piece but with subtle marks of joining. She kept staring at the heart. A sense of completeness enveloped her. She felt consoled. She felt understood. She no longer had the urge to run to her mother and cry in her arms. She got up, straightened her skirt...took the heart and left for home.

Time flew by. She never saw the man again. She’d go to the café every week and sit there, in case he appeared again. She wanted to thank him but he was nowhere in sight. He never returned. The episodes of that day remain locked in her heart forever.

One spring morning, the girls were getting ready at her place. It was their graduation. Their moment of glory! One of her friends saw the tattered heart sitting on her desk. She asked the girl, “Why do u keep that ugly thing there? You can always get a better and a new model”. The girl smiled and replied, “You see these lines? These are the permanent marks someone left in my heart. These lines remind me of a guy who was a Man in every sense and beyond who reconfirmed my faith in love. He is out there and until me meet again, I’ll keep this as souvenir of the time I spent with him.”

Later that evening, the graduation party was in full swing. Everyone was either dancing with their respective partners or busy planning their future together. The girl, feeling lonely, distanced herself from the merriment and started walking in the garden humming her favorite tune. Soon she’ll be working and her life’s gonna change. As she walked past the bushes, engrossed in her thoughts, her dress got caught in the thorns. She stopped to free herself when she realised someone had already set her free. It was the same guy kneeling down before her. He got up, smiled and said…”We met again”.

Sounds of the music, drifted into the garden. The DJ had changed the track. The lyrics floated across the garden & echoed in the breeze…

"Forever can never be long enough for me..”


Monday, June 20, 2011

Coveted


Coveted
And unto He cried….
The sun was setting. The ground reflected its crimson glow. He sat there. Against the dark silhouette, his face grimaced with an angelic disposition. His bare body represented the ‘freedom’ he longed. Slowly the shackles of society and the fetters of shyness were moving towards him. He led out a cry. A scream if you may. The scream was not out of pain or desperation. It was his heart’s cry. For once he wanted to let her know, how much he loved her. For once, he did not care about anything, anyone. For once he wanted his heart to take over.
“Set me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon
thine arm, for love is as strong as death.”
It didn’t matter to him if she loved him back. All his heart needed was a little acknowledgement. He was fed up of putting up pretence. Hiding behind a happy face, only he knew the depth of his solemnity. That grin was tiring. Suddenly he realized he was nothing but a joker. The painted face was a tool to camouflage the bruises of his soul. A seagull nearby was preparing for a flight. As a child he had read the story of a sparrow and a boy. A boy who was, once in love with the most beautiful girl in his class. And a sparrow who was so moved by the boy’s love, that she sacrificed herself to break a curse that would enable the boy to win his love. Sitting there, the man thought was he the sparrow or the boy?
Stirred by the sudden noises, he saw the branches had started to grow on him again. Should he succumb or should he let go? ‘And unto he cried once again’. The harder he tried to let go, the stronger their hold grew. The last ray of sun saw the last bare part of the man getting ‘hidden’ again.

P.S. this post was my interpretation of the picture. Taken from the profile page of Mr. Siddhant Karnick, the model. Photography by Vivek Tickoo; Art direction &pp: Sarbani Pradhan; Special effects make up : Rita Verma. Model Courtesy: Talent Hatz Entertainment.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

"What If"s


The hardest thing in life is to get a 'closure'! we all have that 'unfinished part' in our lives that forms the 'WHAT IFS'! These parts are our escape to something that could have been! How hard we try to forget them, truth to be told they'll never be non-existent! May be a time will come, when they'll be a part we just learn to live with. They'll stop affecting us or raising the 'what ifs'. But what if, they don't? what if they keep stirring within us? Should we give it another shot? Again the 'what ifs' build up in our mind. Mostly, we are too scared to try again or to start again.But if it's our dream then giving it another chance is justified, especially if we have failed the first try! We dun need to prove anything to anyone. We need it for us. We need it for the so called 'closure'. If we are lucky we might be able to be that someone or be with someone or learn that something or get somewhere, we always wanted. Something that would complete us. Something that will no longer be 'unfinished'.
But if we fail again? then what? will it still continue to be the 'what ifs' in our mind? I guess not. That's when we get the real closure. Somethings are never meant to be, no matter how much we want or our hearts desire them. And we realise that it is better that way. It is better when left unfinished; 'coz something BETTER awaits us! ;-)